I thought I would be blogging more

So, here it is 6 months later and I am finally adding a blog post.  My house has gotten in way better order.  Chara seems to be adjusting to ADHD and her meds fairly well and spring is pretty much here!  How does time get away from me so quickly? 
So, this is just a note to say I'm still alive and around and I hope to add more soon!
Happy unusual March!

Fall is here!

        I love fall.  The crunch of leaves under your feet as you walk, apple cider, pumpkin coffee and creamer, warm spicy scented candles, and the feeling of starting over with a new school year.  Can you just feel the slight chill in the air as we take a walk and chat together?

        This fall Chara is in 3rd grade. THIRD GRADE!  I feel nowhere near old enough to have a third grader.  She is in the Spanish immersion program again, which I think really helps to develop her creativity.  Her homeroom teacher, Sr. Seidl seems like he is going to have the right amount of energy for her.  Which is great!  We're still working on how to help her learn with her ADHD, but I'm not worried about it, it will all come in time.      
         She also started piano lessons and seems to still be enjoying them after her second one.  It's just the helping her to remember to practice that is tricky. 
         So many times I feel so completely and utterly discombobulated (one of my favorite words).  My brain doesn't always focus on what I want it to and then it shuts down and gets overwhelmed when I try to get it to work.  For example, my house always feels like a huge mess.  I know what to do to keep it organized, but when I get home from work, it is so hard to find the motivation to keep going to even get laundry done.  And don't even talk about the weekends!  It's like my body just shuts down.  I hate that that happens.  I want to be able to come home and not have to think about that stuff and I know that if I would put at least 15 minutes into picking up after myself at night, half of my problem would be gone.  But sometimes even that is overwhelming.  I go to other peoples' homes and I'm amazed at how they can keep their houses so neat and organized.  It is so hard for me to do that, but it's something that I want.  I had my sister come help me at one point and for the most part it has stayed, but it still gets so difficult.  Sometimes I feel like my brain shuts off the minute I walk in the door.  Other times, not very often, I am able to get a little something done while I'm making supper.  Then there are times when I just want someone around to help with it.  Backing me up when I'm trying to get Chara to help, or helping to just pick up the little stuff like mail, etc.  When I need help with stuff like that is when I miss having a husband the most...don't get me wrong, there are other reasons why I miss having a husband, but just having someone to be a constant present support would go a long way.  As I sit here and write this I am reminded of Bible verses like, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." or "Call on me in your time of need."  Those are great verses and praying for God to give me the strength or motivation at times feels like it is falling on deaf ears.  I know that God hears and answers all prayers, but why can't the answer to this one be, "OK. Zap, Inga you have the motivation and clearness of mind to get this done."? Not, "Sorry, the answer is you have to struggle with this for awhile and then I'll help you." So, I guess this entry is all to say, does anyone else feel this way and I'm asking for your prayers too.  To be able to get those things done, to work out a way for brain to organize everything, and the discouragement to not hinder or overwhelm, but to motivate me.  I wouldn't mind if you threw in a prayer or two of your own for me too!
   This post became way deeper than I expected when I sat down to write it, but the blog is about the "confessions of a single mom."  So there you have it, my confession.

Thanks.

Long Time No Write

Oops, the last post I had was 4 months ago! 
So, what has happened since then?  Chara had her surgery, she is healing well and her scars are still a little red, but she isn't oozing boogers out of her neck anymore!  Second grade is now in her history and she is looking forward to 3rd grade.  This summer her goal is to learn how to ride her bike without training wheels...she kind of knows, but is a little scared yet. My goal is to get her confidence up to do it.  She also has made a goal of reading 100 books this summer...we'll see how that goes! 
  I have changed jobs and now work for an organization called Chrestomathy.  Which translated from Latin (I think) means useful learning.  I work with developmentally disabled adults that range from high functioning...almost on a "normal" adult level to very low functioning - mental capabilities of babies and toddlers.  It is technically called a vocational day program, where I do job coaching.  I'm enjoying it and seeing how much these people are still people.  Half of my day is working one on one with the clients and the other half is spent driving them to and from work and home.  Some days it is exhausting, other days it's energizing.  While I don't think it's something that I will do for the rest of my life, I can see myself there for a little while.
   Now, it's time for me to go to bed.  Sometimes I hate that I'm a night owl, because I want to stay up longer, but know that I have to get myself up and moving in the morning.

What a day/week/month!

So much has happened lately that I don't even know where to start. First, Chara has been diagnosed with ADHD...Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. She will be on medicine to help her brain focus, and to hopefully help her get to the point where learning and school are more enjoyable for her. She loves school, but it's not going as well as she and I would like. I'm optimistic that we can get her to a point where she will be successful and we will be able to at least get through a night of doing homework without a major throwdown happening between us. That would be great! Today I went to fill her prescription only to find out that after insurance it will still cost $210!!! I'm working on finding prescription help/aid or something, but it has made me think about everybody else that doesn't know they have options for help with this stuff.
Let's see, next is her umpteen cavities. She has already had at least 9 filled and has a couple more to fill and a tooth that was pulled...get this; Chara has never complained to me about the pain. We only find out she has them when we go in for cleanings. So, we've been taking care of her teeth in hour long appointments for the past two weeks.
The biggest thing is that Chara was born with something called a brachial cleft sinus on the right side of her neck. It's a hole in her neck that never fully sealed while she was developing in utero. She has kind of a tube or fistula that will be removed with surgery in March. It oozes what looks like snot when she gets bad colds. At times it can be pretty gross! So on top of all of her other appointments we've been going to the ear, nose, throat doctor for this.
That's what's happening for Chara. Not a lot is happening for me, but I am realizing more and more my need for a new job. I would really like something where I can have weekends off and the ability to get Chara to school in the morning. I also want to finish nursing school. Part of that means that I need to get a tutor to relearn algebra so that I can take chemistry and finally apply for the nursing program. I feel like there is so much going on right now. It's all I can do to come home and not collapse at the end of the day. I have a very hard time forcing my brain to think through all that needs to be done so that things can get taken care of at home too.
It's very hard to not get overwhelmed by all that is happening.

It has been awhile since I have posted! The past 6 months haven't been all that eventful, except for the arrival of a nephew!! I'm enjoying it immensely. He's beautiful and it's so fun to watch my sister raise a child of her own. It's pretty amazing how much being an aunt affects me. I'm looking forward to see the personality that he will develop and how he and Chara will interact. She has been the only cousin for so long that I wonder how much of an adjustment it will be for her. It will be interesting to see her have someone to play with when my family gets together and how much their age difference will have an impact on their relationship.
While we are on the subject of Chara, I've been intending to get her tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm not worried about if she has it or not it's the process of her testing and how I will help her if she does have it. I'm having a hard time knowing how to really help her. I'm actually a little bit overwhelmed with the whole prospect of it. It's a matter of figuring out how to manage my own energy level after a long day of working with Alzheimer's patients so that Chara can get as much of my help and attention as she can.
So, my goal for today is to get an appointment made for an ADD assessment. Not to mention all of the other picking up that my house needs!

As my mom used to always say on our way out the door, "Keep a smile on your face and in your heart!"

Country Roads take me home...

....to the place I belong, Camp Ojibway!
Thus begins the theme song for a place that has become a haven of rest and time together for Chara and I every summer for the past three years. A little cozy place on Rice Lake in Eden Valley, MN called Camp Ojibway. There Hope Presbyterian, of Richfield, runs the camp and provides a Single Mom's Family Camp.
We love it when we go there. The staff is amazing, doing things we ask them to help with us and meeting our needs without us even asking. It's such a blessing for me to see the guys step up to the plate and for the kids to have relationships with good quality guys that are focused on them. One counselor in particular this weekend went swimming with kids every day and they were all jumping and climbing on him. The blessing he gave those kids of just being there and enjoying their presence was so good for their hearts.
There also is age group time where the kids break up into age groups and head off with the counselors and the moms get to hang out. We get to just talk, sometimes it's a focused discussion and other times it's just a getting to know each other chat, but it's kidless so we tend to be more open.
The highlight of my weekend is always when we break off into families at the end of camp and a counselor prays over each family. These college students may not quite understand the specifics and heartaches of being single moms or parents for that matter, but they understand the importance of supporting us through prayer and their time.
I almost forgot! This year all the moms were given a pair of earrings made by the staff. We got to pick out a pair that were on a card with Zephaniah 3:17 printed on it. I chose a pair that had turquoise rocks and little crystals that matched them. I found out that one of the male counselors made them! He's a big football player for Bethel...it makes me giggle to think of him bending over the table putting earrings together. I don't think he realizes what a big deal it is to us that he made them.
I cannot forget Penguins either! This is a camp ritual where every day of the week/weekend you attend you take a morning dip in the lake to get your name on the penguin board. Chara and I did it last year, but this year we didn't. We went the first day, and Chara even got the Penguin of the Day for her enthusiasm and not even complaining that she cold. The next 2 days we didn't go...we were tired, I'd ask Chara if she wanted to get up and go and she'd pretty much roll over and go back to sleep. She was a little disappointed to realize that her name would not go on the board for this year, but I have a feeling next year we will be doing it every morning. Not something I'm too excited about. It's freezing and I'm not a great morning person...I don't get crabby, but an ice cold dip in the lake is not my idea of a great way to wake up in the morning.
Despite my peeling skin from forgetting to reapply the sunscreen and being exhausted Chara and I left the weekend refreshed and ready for the rest of the summer.

Drive through Difference....sort of

Tuesday night Chara and I went to Target to get a couple of groceries, only to get to the check out and find out that I forgot my debit card in my jeans pocket at home. So, hoping that it would work, I wrote a check...because as you know those things are all scanned now too. It didn't and they needed to see my ID/driver's license which happened to be in the same pocket as my card. The cashier was gracious but didn't have anyway to override that. She kept trying to offer suggestions..."Maybe you could call your husband."
"I'm not married."
She kept trying to push buttons and think of something else to do...she asked the cashier in the line next to us, who didn't think that there was anything that could be done. The manager then came and couldn't help us either.
All the while there was a man waiting in line behind us, with three girls...all early teens. He had a look of annoyance on his face when he got in line, so I was trying my best to think of options quickly so that he could get through the line and be finished.
The cashier was still trying to offer suggestions...
Finally the man behind us interrupted and asked how much the total was...around 80 bucks. He then proceeded to say that he would pay for it! I was in shock..I think I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. The employees told me that all I really needed was a driver's license number and said it might work if he just gave his and he replied that he wanted to just pay. I immediately burst into tears. This man didn't even know me except that I was a single-mom trying to get a few groceries. I thanked him over and over again and he said to just make sure I do the same thing for someone else one day. I think I said something to the effect of, "Of course I will."
When we were walking away I wanted to show some sort of appreciation for what he had done for me. I ended up saying Happy Father's Day...seems pretty small despite what he did for me. He seemed to genuinely appreciate it, but still it felt like such a small gesture.
That one swipe of his credit card made my week, heck maybe even my month!
His generosity has motivated me to be more focused and aware of how I treat others. Not just strangers at the store, but Chara and the residents I work with.
I'm also taking it as a gesture that God is thinking about me and wanted me to know that He loves me.
So, please be on the lookout for some small way that you can make a difference in the lives of those around you. It may be just what they need to know that they are valuable and worth living this life!